In an effort to keep up with the latest trends, we are pleased to announce that the Freebirds are going back to the future. Starting next season, Freebird fans will have the opportunity to purchase throwback Reno Poison jerseys, the team confirmed at a Wednesday morning press conference. The team also announced that the players will wear the jerseys on two occasions next season, once at home and once on the road.

"We think it's important that the fans understand our history and tradition," Frank Booth said of the team's shameless moneymaking ploy. "I know the people of Reno still haven't forgiven us for moving the team to Vegas, but I think history will judge that it was the right decision. Nevertheless, we felt like it was important to honor the franchise's origins."

Star linebacker Pasty Gangsta, who was on hand for the presentation, appeared visibly disturbed by the thought of wearing the throwback jerseys. "Hey, I'll wear them if they tell me to," Gangsta said. "But those things are ugly. I like old school stuff as much as the next guy, but sometimes there's a good reason teams get rid of their old jerseys."

Fans on hand cheered wildly though as Freebird mascot Boozie unveiled the commemorative jerseys. "I'm just as happy as can be," said 94-year-old Emma Sue Sparks. "I remember it like it was yesterday when that man come and take the team to Las Vegas. I'll bleed black and orange till the day I die, but we'll never forget the Poison." Sparks said she planned to order a number 79 jersey in honor of her favorite Freebird, JaMichael Fonduelip.

Fans can preorder their limited edition Reno Poison jerseys beginning Monday.

The Freebirds hosted a special visitor Tuesday afternoon, one day before their crucial matchup with the San Francisco Montanas. Presidential hopeful Barack Obama made a surprise visit to Freebirds Park after a brief campaign stop in Las Vegas. He toured the team's facilities with Frank Booth and Freebirds mascot Boozie before giving a rousing speech to a crowded auditorium. Obama, sporting a special black and orange tie to commemorate the occasion, beamed as he was presented a customized Freebirds jersey by team captain Willie Mays Hayes.

"I've always loved the Freebirds," Obama announced to a captive audience. "I remember as a child sitting with my father and watching the Freebirds dismantle the Oklahoma Sooners. Seeing this proud franchise rise from the humble beginnings of USA B all the way to AAA, right within reach of the Pros...that has inspired me in my own life. It's not unlike the son of a Kenyan goat herder having the chance to become President of the United States."

"The Freebirds represent everything that is great about America. The notion that a team must cheat, that you must gut other teams and change continents to get a competitive edge, this concept is antithetical to the very tenets upon which our great nation was founded. Seeing the Freebirds win with hard work and great team chemistry is an example not just to the children of America, but to children around the world as well."

As Obama lavished praise on the Freebird players calling them "America's gridiron greats," players in attendance were visibly moved. Said defensive end Goodluck Chuck, "He brought me to tears, man. And he's a cool dude. The way he talked about hope and changing the way business was done in the commissioner's office...it made me want to be a better player."

"We don't get involved in politics, but we thought it was a great opportunity for these young men to learn about hard work, perseverance, and self-belief," said Frank Booth. "These guys seem pretty pumped up for the Montanas."

Obama postponed scheduled stops in Los Angeles and Sacramento so he could watch the Freebirds battle the Montanas in person. "This is the best opportunity I'll have for a while to go to the Pig House on gameday," the junior senator from Illinois told us. "I watch every game though. If the Freebirds are playing on election night, you can bet I'll have two TVs going."

League officials have received an anonymous complaint from two Freebird players regarding the team's practice methods. According to the letter, the team's "cruel and inhumane" summer sessions violate league guidelines, and the coaches are required to give the players more vacation time. The Freebirds were notified of the complaint three weeks after their 34-3 playoff blowout of the Oklahoma Sooners.

Meanwhile, rumors continue to swirl about who the anonymous informants are. Team captain Lil' Manny O'Hearn reportedly held an hour-long, players-only meeting, but sources tell us that an air of suspicion is still palpable in the team locker room, threatening to undermine the famous team chemistry the Freebirds are known for.

Frank Booth refused to address the media, but when pressed for comment Offensive Coordinator Clever Honz responded angrily. "It's USA Triple A football! It's the Western Conference! It ain't intramurals! They get a day off between games, they get five days off at the end of the season. That's almost a month! That's more vacation than you guys get!"

It was the last thing Frank Booth wanted to hear on the eve of the playoffs. There, in the crowded media room at Freebirds Park, a People Magazine reporter dropped the bomb on him: Freebirds quarterback Bobby Peru is reportedly dating Jessica Simpson. "Why don't you ask him about it?" Booth fired back at the reporter. "This is the first I've heard about it. I'm here to talk about football. How the hell did someone from People Magazine get in here anyway?!"

But several anonymous club sources tell us that they have been hearing the rumors as far back as the Oklahoma Sooners game, which the Freebirds won decisively 30-6. The next game, Simpson was spotted in the club level of the Pig House. "To be honest, we're all apalled by Bobby's lack of judgment," one of his teammates told us off the record. "Bobby threw four interceptions in our first ten games. He's thrown six since then. Do you think it's a coincidence? She's a quarterback killer. Look what happened to Romo."

To add to the team's misery, sources close to Simpson have hinted that love is indeed in the air. "I've never seen Jess so happy. She's planning on taking Bobby to Bora Bora for a day or so before the playoffs start," said Kaitlyn Faux, Simpson's personal assistant. "She's not really into the Vegas thing though. She's hoping he'll get traded to Dallas or L.A. after the season."

The famously reclusive Peru dodged paparazzi as he entered Freebirds Park today for practice. Some of his teammates though downplayed the significance of the reported relationship. "He says it's not true," said Trick Arington, Peru's close friend. "Even if it is, good for him. I think it's a testament to how well he has been playing. The way he played last season, he'd have been lucky to get Ashlee Simpson."

Only time will tell what kind of distraction this will create for the Freebirds as they gear up for what they hope will be a long playoff run. For now though, both Peru and Simpson are denying anything more than a platonic relationship. Said Simpson's publicist, "They are just really good friends. It's true that Jessica's a huge Freebirds fan, but all the celebrities love the Freebirds these days."

The news came early Friday morning, less than twelve hours after the Freebirds' comprehensive 30-6 blowout of the Oklahoma Sooners: the Sooners' organization was suing the Freebirds for $3,990,406. The charges stem from an allegation made against Freebird mascot Boozie (pictured top left) by Oklahoma Sooner mascot Big Red (pictured bottom left). According to the complaint, Boozie assaulted Big Red in the tunnel shortly after the lopsided victory.

"My client has been severely damaged by Boozie's unprovoked attack. We can prove everything in that complaint," said Billy Joe Banjoplayer, an Oklahoma City-based attorney representing the plaintiff. "This culture of mascot-on-mascot violence can no longer be tolerated. We just want justice! And some money too."

The lawsuit accuses Boozie of aggravated assault, conspiracy to commit aggravated assault, and inflicting extreme pain and suffering on Big Red. The Freebirds' front office has said that they will be filing a response after looking into the charges. "We believe that this whole incident is a complete and utter fabrication," said Jackson Carmichael, the Freebirds' Director of Marketing and Community Affairs. "The idea that Boozie would do what he is being accused of is ludicrous, and anyone with a brain knows it. He doesn't even know where he is half the time."

At least one member of the Freebirds witnessed the incident. "Boozie was just kind of staggering down the tunnel," said Freebirds tight end Conor Cossio. "He just stumbled into Big Red. It looked pretty harmless to me so I was shocked to hear about the assault allegation." When asked if he thought the incident was worthy of punishment, Cossio responded, "No, but either way Boozie is going to have to go to Norman, Oklahoma for a hearing. That's punishment enough, don't you think?"

The conflict is sure to intensify the rivalry between the two teams and sets up an interesting storyline should they meet again in the playoffs. It is clear that neither side is showing any indication of backing down from the legal proceedings.

"I don't know what kind of organization they are running out there in Las Vegas," said Sooners owner Sooneer. "Our team is all about class and doing the right thing. That goes for all of our farm teams too. To see Big Red having to wear that neck brace because of some belligerent drunk, it just breaks my heart. The Freebirds' behavior is downright reprehensible."

When asked to comment on Sooneer's criticism, Freebirds owner Frank Booth responded, "An Oklahoma Sooner knows the word 'reprehensible?!'"

In an astonishing display of insubordination, starting running back Tito Mota has threatened a midseason holdout, demanding that his contract be restructured to make him the highest paid running back in the league. Mota dropped the bombshell on his coach and teammates just minutes after the Freebirds' stunning 47-3 victory over the Seattle Thunder.

The development will leave the Freebirds scrambling for warm bodies at the position, having just lost Stephen Stonegrabber to free agency earlier in the day. When asked about the situation after the game, Frank Booth bristled. "I can't tell you what's going on in that guy's head. I really can't. He came to me in the offseason and told me he wanted to be a Freebird for life. No one held a gun to his head and forced him to sign that ten year contract."

Those who know Mota were unfazed by the news. "That's just Tito being Tito," said Freebirds fullback Taking You By Force. "He's a weird guy for sure. He might change his mind before he even finishes his sentence." Former coach Peter Train of the Houston Orangebloods was even more direct. "Me-to is a ticking time bomb. We barely had him a day before he started complaining about his contract and demanding a trade. Am I surprised by this? I guess I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner."

Sitting by his locker shortly after the game, Mota responded to barbs from the Las Vegas press. "Tito needs to get paid, man. I got one of the worst contracts in the league. One cheap shot from an Oklahoma Sooner and my career could be over. I gotta get paid."

"I wanna be a Bird, man, but I'll go play somewhere else if I got to. My agent says I got offers in Europe, and that sounds pretty good. The dollar ain't so strong right now, you know."

Frank Booth laughed off suggestions that the controversy would create a distraction for his team heading into their pivotal game against the rival Oklahoma Sooners. "Our guys are more concerned about those famous crotch grabs that the Sooners are known for. Nobody listens to Tito anyway. If he spent half as much time worrying about ball security as he does about his contract, he'd be an all-pro."

Diminutive kicker Popo Mundo is one of the most popular players in years to come through the Freebirds' system. With a flawless soccer-style technique and the nerves of a professional poker player, Popo has become one of the most respected kickers in USA AA#4. But for all his success on the field, life wasn't always so easy for the Freebirds kicker.

Popo grew up in Invencao, a small fishing village in the Pernambuco region of Brazil. Born Luis de Souza Garrincha Alfonso Ribeiro dos Santos Jones, the young Brazilian dreamed of becoming a GLB placekicker from the moment he could talk. While his classmates played soccer in the streets, young Luis spent his days kicking grapefruits through coconut trees in downtown Invencao. Like so many young athletes in his country, Luis soon adopted a one-word name. He became "Popo," which roughly translates to "the only Brazilian who doesn't play soccer." With only three football instructors in all of Brazil, Popo would soon be forced to leave his mom and 14 brothers behind for pastures new.

At the tender age of twelve, the young Pernambucano set out for Buenos Aires where he would study under Gustavo Gramatica, patriarch of the famous Gramatica clan of placekickers. Under Gustavo's tutelage, Popo began kicking 7,000 field goals a day. It was also at this time that Popo learned the secrets of Gustavo's famous "Oh my God, I made a field goal!" celebration, which he has since mastered.

Popo was signed as a free agent by the Freebirds shortly before season 1. After unsuccessfully appealing the GLB rule that a player must have a first and last name, Popo became Popo Mundo, or "the only Brazilian in the world who doesn't play soccer." Now, with a new contract fresh in hand, Freebird fans can look forward to seeing the "Oh my God!" dance for years to come.